Monday, November 7, 2011

Don't look'll get hit with the basketball

Someone mentioned how most of my blogs fall back on when I was younger. I do it to show a comparison of a change of life...mainly mine. Forms a way to display that certain lessons were learned or gave me wisdom. Lol here goes another one lol...

When I was younger... my sister, brother, and I were playing the game Taps with our basketball infront of our apartment (clearly wasnt a house lol). For those that are unfamiliar with the game, the object of the game is to throw the basket ball to the other person in the circle before letting your feet touch the ground. If you do then you're out. And if you catch the ball with your feet on the ground then you are out. Its a fun game with major need for Stamina lol. So any who, as mentioned in previous blogs, I am epileptic. I've been diagnosed since I was about 4 or 5. Well during our game, I had one so my attention wasn't focused on the eyes weren't fully alert and I ended up looking downward. WELL my sister threw the ball at me and it hit me in my stomach. When I snapped out of it, I immediately came out of my seizure in pain and saw my sister laughing because she did it on accident. Well some people are aggressive when coming out of a seizure, and that day I clearly was. lol...

NOW getting to the point of my story... I realized when you lose sight of what you are trying to keep up with, you'll end up hurting yourself. Now in my case, I didn't have control of my body. But in many cases, other people allow themselves to get distracted and let the ball hit them when they least expect it and it hurts more than when they were focused on playing the game. What's the difference?? The one that became distracted ends up more vulnerable and so the pain is more severe than the person that was at least paying attention. 

In my recent state, .... i realized that I looked down and the ball hit me in "my stomach" again...but this time... i can't be mad at anyone else but myself....... why?? Cuz first time shame on you but second time shame on me... or 3rd time, or 4th time, or 5th time, etc etc... you get the picture lol...
On a biblical standpoint, My self-observation has recently reminded me that I need to look UP...because the things that surround me won't hurt me so easily. So for right now through my situations...I'm disappointed in myself for losing sight...because I allowed myself to be vulnerable and only hurt myself and hinder my growth with God.

So to conclude, My problem: I'm too worried about my circumstances and recent situations in my life meeting up to how it originally looked like it would be or how it could be. Due to that problem, My expectations are high all the time. If someone tells me something, and it seems they proved something to me... I take their word seriously and let my guard down. If a job looks very promising, I make up in my mind that I got it. If I have a check that my bills are ACTUALLY not taking out so much, Im "pressed" because I think of have more spending money.
The outcome: Regardless how promising those things may seem...... it doesn't mean it will come through no matter how sure you are that it will.
Im not in charge... YOU aren't in charge... God is.

Now See What I See: Lose focus and look down, you'll get hurt. Look up and pay attention, your less vulnerable to be hurt and offended. Stamped.


Saturday, October 1, 2011

Short and Sweet: You can't rely on everyone even IF they are real close to you

I rather have 2 friends that I can trust 90% of the time that they will have my back than 10 that you will have to remind to keep their mouths shut. I say 90% because you can only be able to put your full trust in GOD. Like it or not people will disappoint you in some type of way and it's up to you to conduct the situation wisely. Trials happen in your life to help you grow spiritually in your Christian walk in patience, faith, wisdom, strength, and more because God loves you. He wants us to grow. Point blank-those that I felt hurt me... I forgive you...even if you don't know that you hurt me. I know I can't be vengeful because I wont succeed anything and overall God wouldn't be pleased. I'm not one is and I have been reminded about that. Now see what I see: You can't be too trusting on Man because they aren't God.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I have a Song on My Heart

I have been in the choir for almost 3 years. I learned it takes more work than standing on the platform and singing the assigned songs. You have to remember to think about the message. You're singing to GOD and giving Him all the Glory. Your voice is an instrument, so you gotta take better care of it. You are supposed to blend and yet set yourself apart. Have Expression! The words are there but can the congregation tell you mean it? Follow the director at all times. Breathing is critical especially for soloists.

Ever since my church started an "American Idol" themed choir forum, I really wanted a chance so i can "get a solo". WRONG! Now, I know I had/have to learn humbleness, confidence, breathing, voice control, etc. Improvement has been made but instead of my "I want a Solo" Attitude, I'm now like, "I have a song on my heart and I really would like to sing it". It'll be another way to present how much God loves me and what He's done for me.

Personally, I feel Sometimes that hvaing a solo is taken for granted. I LOVE TO SING! If you have your chance then express yourself! Nerves can be so intimidating and I know this for a fact! Lol My nervous habit is shaking hands and my mouth gets dry hahaha...I guess I feel like, If God ever lays on my Choir director's heart for me to sing the song I have on my heart, then I would feel Honored.

See what I mean??


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Im four years old!

Warm evening or should I say morning... I witnessed a car accident. Plenty of people from the neighborhood came out to see the commotion and fortunately No one was hurt. A good friend that consistently brought me to crossroads baptist church despite of my 8 month stubbornness of running from God, took the time to sit on my stoop and go over the Romans Road. My first thought was, "Here we go again. I heard this before..." even though deep down I always felt the urge to go front of the church to be led to salvation. My leg always shook, hands gripped the Pew...stomach swarmed with Butterflies and the What if's came to mind. Now the moment came...I was fully attentive, heard the gospel, and put my pride away and humbled myself to GOD. I cried, I felt relief, I felt excited, I felt better... The load was lifted off my shoulders... Did I worry what my mom may think.. yea. Was it easier since she was in Africa lol yep! :) ...But by the end of the day... I didn't care... I got saved and I AM going to Heaven and nothing will stop that. NOTHING. Praise God! That being said, I would like to Praise God for allowing me to see 4 years since the day I got led to the Lord. Praise God for those that had patience with me despite of my attitude, cruel words, and selfishness. They stuck by me...even through my flaws. I praise God for using my friend as a tool to get me where I am today!
At that very day... I was supposed to be getting ready for a 2nd year of College at Johnson C. Smith University... but things didn't go MY way... but instead HE made it so I can eventually get led to the Lord.  If there is anyone that wants to know how to go through that joy of submitting to God and overall making it to heaven for ETERNITY...ask me. I will tell you. I will guide you the same way my friend did for me.

Glad I had an opportunity to allow you to see what I see.


Sunday, May 8, 2011

Breaking the Silence Series Part 2- How a man should be

      For those that don't mind reading my blogs... i know that you are probably thinking, "Wow, she stepping out there" ... but my recent theme says, I want you to see what I see... That being said... here goes:

      First impressions mean everything to me as it should to anyone.  That is one thing that has never changed about me. How a guy greets, what he says out of his mouth, his body language... that's a strong key thing that he should possess.  I used to giggle to the "how you doing sweetheart... can I talk to you for a minute?"(with the up and down of checking me out)... as I aged, I used to dislike it and was terribly mean as I have been told by many guys and witnesses of that familiar "scene"...but NOW after salvation, I can honestly say there has been improvement...I decline the best I can... That being said, a guy should at least say excuse me, leave the "pet names" alone, and give eye contact that feeds off CONFIDENCE. That will give him a foot in the door just to converse. 

        First impressions are key but not big enough for me to consider.  Salvation is top priority! That's all bible! "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14KJV... How would that work??? Why would I even want to PUT UP with all of that?? It wouldn't work and I wouldn't/wont tolerate that. Matthew Henry States:
"The fatal effects of neglecting Scripture precepts as to marriages clearly appear. Instead of a help meet, the union brings a snare. Those whose cross it is to be unequally united, without their wilful fault, may expect consolation under it; but when believers enter into such unions, against the express warnings of God's word, they must expect must distress."

       This is basically backing up my beliefs. There will be a negative outcome for being in that type of relationship. That doesn't just apply to salvation but just being on one accord. I.E. If I believe that a woman shouldn't be a deacon and speaking in tongues is unrealistic and the other guy believes otherwise then there is a BIG problem! I won't take the guy seriously. I wouldn't trust him. As women we think in future tense easier than men so with that being said, If I was to get married to that man, do you really think I would want my children under his care??? Absolutely not. There will not be a change on my part with that. I can't follow a man that I can't trust to be the PROPER leader...

     Now moving on, He MUST be involved in some type of form when it comes to being in a ministry. I believe being involved in the church is necessary. To the point of being on the clean up crew to soul winning to being on the youth committee or in the choir... just do SOMETHING and do it not to go w/ the motions. If the Lord see me fit to have a husband that is affiliated with the law enforcement, then in some type of way, he can contribute to SOMETHING...

     I'm not done but I'm quitting by saying this last thing...he shouldn't be an all around flirt. He has to have consistency. It should flow with him that naturally he is into me so why would he flirt somewhere else? There is nothing wrong with being flattered when given a compliment but still... there are LIMITS! Wishy washiness isn't appealing!

     I guess as I aged, certain things have become less tolerable for me. Like i said, this info. are brushing the surface! The other things on my list aren't mentioned because It will be too much to read and because if it just so happen that a guy was to read this, I will want him to figure out the other things on his own...your taste in men can and most likely are different from mind which is fine! I'm just displaying MY perspective of things....... You know...what I see...

Sweet dreams, 

Friday, May 6, 2011

Now See What I See: Breaking the Silence Series: Part 1- Work envirome...

Now See What I See: Breaking the Silence Series: Part 1- Work envirome...: "It has been a very long time since I have expressed myself via Blog. So much has happened! My seizures have improved...or shall I say, I hav..."

Breaking the Silence Series: Part 1- Work enviroment

It has been a very long time since I have expressed myself via Blog. So much has happened! My seizures have improved...or shall I say, I have been more disciplined on taking my medication no matter the circumstances. I have made some new friendships, I went to ARKANSAS, I have a better position even thru my circumstances, school is... well awful lol, my walk with God will never be where I want it to be...... but I am STRIVING to improve.

I am making a new series since I have so much to say... so as the title presents, this one is based on my job and what I have learned...

1.) Always take what you learned from your last job or position and use it in a positive way.
My last position had a very quiet environment, surrounded by adults that ranged in their late 30s-possibly 60's. It def. taught me how to mellow out and helped me to make sure I differentiate the work place separate to my personal life the best I can.  I learned the office techniques and brought my qualities to my new office. Now my new office, as a Customer Service Representative under the Student Ambassador program representing the Going the Extra Mile program, is up and coming. We are basically starting everything from scratch. I take my organization skills and phone etiquette into "play".

2.) Every Supervisor is different. My last boss was more "chill" and my current boss is "chill" in her own way. I am given more responsibilities in my new position and sometimes my job is more demanding. Their techniques going about the daily work day is ying and yang. My current boss is more flexible which is an adjustment because Im used to more order...

3.)Team work comes in different forms. I have been reminded to achieve great team work since i have way more coworkers. Communication is even more a bigger deal with what I am involved with. One moment of lack of communication leads us to a mess of confusion and frustration.

I wont ramble on and on b/c i feel you have the point. God prepared me for this position and now I understand why they say God doesn't give us more than we can handle. AMEN! :) ... i doubt that I would be able to consume all the responsibilities that I am undergoing now than In the past... even 6mths ago...I am still bracing myself on the events to come and having a guard up daily on bearing a positive or shakey day. Pray for me yall... that I will grow in humbleness because it's easy to get "big headed" on the job if you aren't careful with what I have experienced. Good night...

{I should expect advancement on my resume')

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I Stand Corrected

It seems ironic to me that after my blog about my seizures, I ended up with a serious seizure. Go figure?  Well in that moment, I realized that even though I make efforts to keep up with my seizures, there is always room for IMPROVEMENT. I need to be more responsible and actually stop thinking that I have it altogether because I'm NOT in control fully over my body...God is and my friend mentioned the day after my abnormal experience, In paraphrasing, "If you want to be involved in the ministries and do as what others reached out to you, then you need to have your body in better shape to serve the fullest as you want to be...get more mature and make better adult decisions because not everyone can hold your hand." ,Don't you just love REAL friends that will gently chastise you? Lol... by the end of the day... I ABSOLUTELY DO...because I know they care for me and have my best interest at heart.
"And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.
 8For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
 9And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
 10Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."
2 Corinthians 12:7-10 KJV
 I used to wonder and sometimes do think that my epilepsy is my thorn in my flesh to humble me and/or something to make me stronger through my weakness.  I can say that the experience has been a wake up call and a humbling experience.

Stay tuned... I'm on week 1 and 1 day seizure free. 


Sunday, January 9, 2011

Expressing My Life with Epilepsy: Part 1

This is a semi-sensitive subject for me.  Before you finish reading the rest of this blog just know, this isn't meant for you to feel SORRY for me, to BABY me, to GOSSIP about me, but to have a BETTER UNDERSTANDING so if the thought passes you then you should stop while you are ahead. I have Petite Mal Seizures.  I was diagnosed with this condition when I was 7 years old but who knows really how long I really had it.  I have ALMOST walked into highway traffic, hit by an 18-wheeler truck, Lol I have walked into a group of handsome basketball players (SO EMBARRASSING... I was like 16), Walked to walls but stopped right in front of it, walked back in forth on a curb without stepping out to traffic, responded to people vaguely by saying yes or no, scratch my belly and move side to side w/o noticing, and the list goes on and on... but when I snap out of it... I clinch my fist, gasp for air, and TRY to collect my thoughts to go where I left off.  Naturally, loved ones are concerned.  Some say I don't take it serious enough.  Maybe they have to be in my shoes for a day when the "going gets tough" because it's easier to say what you will do IF you had it than actually going through the experience...

It's our human nature it seems when we are outside looking in and saying that we would do something different if a situation happened to us.  Maybe If I go into depth in expressing my condition and what I go through, it MAY change their thoughts, It may scare them more, it may help them be more understanding, it may help them see that they can't get frustrated and snappy with me when I am unable to control my body.  So just Imagine...

You know how it feels when you are staying up late at night, watching t.v., and then wake up w/o memory of falling asleep?  Trying to figure out where you are for a quick second, about what time you may have dozed off, and what you should do next after waking up?  That's what I go through... that's how it feels.  Your brain works like a never ending thing of electricity.  Your nerves in the brain are always connecting with each other w/o any pauses.  Epilepsy is when the nerves on the brain don't connect for a brief second.  Epilepsy can't go away but only can be controlled.  I developed the condition genetically.  I call my seizures Mental Hiccups lol because it can be that annoying but they only last for seconds but feels like minu.  Typically, I have become immune to the fact that I have epilepsy.  So when people freak out, I laugh a bit... it's not to make them feel stupid but it's just like breathing for me so I have to remember that some people aren't used to it.  When I have a seizure, It can be frustrating, sometimes discouraging, annoying, embarrassing, and i feel like it slows me down.  When I'm in front of friends and family that are so accustomed to it, I can brush it off easier and yet I still feel embarrassed.  When I am in front of someone that isn't use to it, I get terribly embarrassed and I too also laugh to ease the tension.  I realized why I get hot flashes I think after I have them as I age, I think it's through embarrassment.  The more embarrassed I am, the hotter I feel.  

To be Continued... I don't want it to be a lengthy

It is what it is... but remember this... even some great leaders had a disability, but it didn't stop them from serving...I.E. Paul 


Stay Tuned.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Witnessing can be frustrating sometimes

That's right!  I am doing a double Whammy today!  Two blogs in One night! Lol...

The Lord has convicted me on my lack of witnessing to the unsaved.  As a christian, that is HIGHLY unacceptable!  My efforts should be better!  I know better!  "Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth is not, to him it is sin." James 4:17.  That being said, I had an interesting lunch break.  I had the opportunity to witness to a gentleman.  I never caught his name now that I think about it.  I just remember that he appeared African American and tall.  During my break, I read my bible... as I was reading my bible I felt someone staring at me.  Any person can tell you that when you feel someones eyes on you, that you naturally look that direction, RIGHT?? ... so I did.  Eventually, this gentleman mustered the courage to speak to me.  "Did you go to the convention?" He asks.  I replied, "No... I work here."  "O" he says.  I go back to my reading... then eventually I just started feeling awkward because he just wouldn't stop staring at me! lol... The once again... he gain the courage to say, "I'm a Christian too."  Now at first I must admit, My reaction wasn't so perky... I kept wondering why this guy kept messing w/ me... but ofcourse my conscious kicked in.  In response, I nodded and said , "mmhmm..." and smiled and went back to reading... Now I started on my new verse of the week, Proverbs 11:30.  As I was reading, internally my conscious was telling me, "Ashleigh, you know better.  How do you know if he is really a christian??  This could be an open door for you to lead someone to salvation.  Get over yourself." Then that's when I read Proverbs 11:30 and it says, "The fruit of the righteous is the tree of life; and he that winneth souls are wise."  I couldn't help but giggle and nod and mentally say, "Okaaay... you are right." (no I am NOT crazy

So I spark the conversation with him, and asked how he was a Christian.  What are his beliefs.  After experiencing the brief dialogue, I learned that he isn't saved.  He believes that if you were to die today that you will go in a "resting place" in the old testament BEFORE Christ died on the Cross for our sins... might I add.  I went over the Romans Road with him but I became sooo internally frustrated because I didn't know where to find the verse that proves my fact!  Cuz yes it is most definitely a fact.  Unfortunately, He didn't get saved and I ran out of tracks.  I was just soo frustrated because that wasn't the first time I encountered someone having that belief.  I then learned, I need to get on my "A" game... it only pushed me harder to memorize scripture... and ever since my break... I haven't stopped thinking of the man that denied getting saved and Im not gonna lie... I have been beating myself up about it... If only I knew that scripture... And I am STILL waiting for someone to answer my question.  Im going to ask Pastor Kenny WEDNESDAY! lol...

My frustration can be taken as a good thing because that displays that I am more willing and my efforts are stronger to witness to others BUT I just feel as a Christian, I let someone down...myself.  Lesson learned I guess... that's just one more thing I have to study so I can be prepared for the next person.  For the reader that is reading this, work harder to know the WORD... because just when you think you are getting the hang on being more consistent, God can show you that, Hey, you have way more to brush up on.  Today I was/am humbled and more determined.  My daily prayer is that I want to make God proud to call me his Child and servant...That is exactly what I'M STRIVING TO DO....


I want to be wise...don't you?  Prov. 11:30.

So much to say with so little time...

Ladies and Gents, Let me first start by saying, HAPPY NEW YEARS! This is my first blog of 2011! Now seriously, I apologize for the abandonment of my series.  Due to technical difficulties and other distractions I unfortunately didn't meet my deadline as planned.  Might I add that it has been a total of 16 days since my last blog... just so unacceptable. So much has happened ofcourse in that time span and I can't really write (type) a whole novel lol because well I will bore you lol.  So let me TRY to catch you up to speed and so many words...

As my Vera Wang candle is burning and my Indiana Bible College songs are playing... I sit in my room thinking...pondering...wondering...of all that has happened in my 2 weeks (and some change lol).  Big decisions were made that GOD has definitely prepared me for because I wouldn't have been ready if it happened to me last year... and yet in this same token I gained a stronger friendship.  I asked God to readjust my life so it will be easier for me to focus on lets just say that HE definitely did! lol... and it's working. :)

On New Years eve, I had a "sister day" with ONE of my siblings...Devyn.  The one that everyone says has the "old attitude" that I used to have... she is now 12.  I had a great time with her...I was reminded that even tho My other sister and her are not even a full year apart...they are very different and I can't treat them the same.  In this case, Devyn is more laid back and not as perky as my sister Dominique and the old me at her age first it was hard for me to read her to see if she was even having fun! lol... I kept having to ask her if she was...smh...TEENAGERS! lol...smh...but eventually she started laughing more and such so I had my "confirmation" that she was telling the truth.  I have technically 12 siblings... so ofcourse the younger generation want their individual attn. from me... a one on one day hanging with Big Sis! lol...Next up in line, Jordan. My baby sis on my dad's side.  She is 10 and ofcourse already made me promise to have a sister day with her this summer.  Devyn and Jordan live in Arizona...

Someone I knew past away on New Years day, and tonight we had a candle lighting for him.  A good friend of mine, Marcus Bowie, spoke during the gathering.  Twenty People got saved that night... there had to be at least 30 in attendance.  GOD IS GREAT! I cried more because the souls got saved lol...Next step is to have them come out and visit our church!  I can't wait til he gets his car...Good things are to come... Mark my words.

This blog isn't as "deep" as my past blogs are, there is so much to say with so little time to say it all... in depth that is.


Proverbs 11:30 "The fruit of the righteous is the tree of life; and he that winneth souls are wise." (my memory verse of the week)  What's yours?